Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Inspired by our northern neighbors in Toronto – who once banned a visit by Miss Universe because it would be "sexist,demeaning and degrading" , but allowed a Gay Pride parade –

(Warning ! Images on linked site are NOT safe for work , or for children , or for those with weak stomachs !!) –

I have decided to organize the first GRAY PRIDE PARADE !!

Picture this wonderful scene:

Thousands – maybe tens of thousands – of senior citizens : wearing as little clothing as possible , would march,hobble, prance, cavort,or push their walkers along the parade route: their stringy gray hair, and their strategically placed liver spots gleaming in the sun.

Those so inclined would be encouraged to leer at and flirt with the spectators; to engage in geriatric versions of the old "bump and grind"; and to " fool around" with one another anywhere along the parade route the sprit to do so might move them.

There would be sumptuous floats: provided by the manufacturers of Viagra, Cialis, and Depends-

(For you lawyerly types, these are all Registered Tradenames)

and other products of interest :

denture adhesives,bulk laxatives,anti-flatulents,etc.)

and there could be very loud music-provided,perhaps, by some of the famous Mummer’s Day Strutters – complete with banjos and costumes.

We could have a Parade Queen – (Helen Thomas looks like a shoo-in) – who would,of course be topless (except for a feather boa) , and who would wear a really tasteful "thong"…

EH ? What’s that you say, young feller ?

You say it sounds disgusting and obscene ?

Hah !

It sounds to me like you are suffering from THANATOPHOBIA .

In case you’re not up on your Greek, that’s psycho-babble for a morbid fear of those who are ahead of you in Life’s Checkout Lane.

Mind your own business , you prudish thanatophobe !

I’ve got a parade to organize !


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