Friday, August 26, 2005

Animals in the News – People in Our Zoos ?


By now, I suppose everyone has heard about the misguided gentleman from New Jersey - said to be a PETA volunteer - who decided a (venomous) copperhead “needed help” in crossing the road.


The snake, which had not been consulted in the matter, bit its “helper” three times ---- (by way of expressing his opinion of PETA volunteers ?)



New York: A raccoon decided to visit The Big Apple , so he stowed away on a charter bus : somehow managing to escape the notice of the 50 paying passengers.


Shortly after the passengers were dropped off, the driver glanced in his mirror, and saw the raccoon strolling down the center aisle towards the front of the bus.


Being a sensible fellow, he flagged down a cop , departed the bus, and waited to see what would happen.


This being New York City, the Emergency Services Unit responded, and, after much manuevering ,re-direction of traffic , and head-scratching, the stalwart officers were able to tranquilize the critter and remove him from his perch on the bus door curtains.


Unfortunately for the raccoon , the Animal Shelter folks promptly euthanized him , so he could be tested for rabies.


Fortunately for the driver, there no more raccoons hidden on the bus.


Beijing : A Chinese wildlife farm is searching for 13 “runaway” crocodiles-
part of a group of 29 that took advantage of rain-induced flooding to swim out in search of new habitat.


15 of the crocodilian deviationists were captured by the alert Peoples’ Collective, and will probably be sent to re-education camps. One of the beasts-undoubtedly a counter-revolutionary – had to be killed.


Farm managers are worried about the remaining 13 – because the weather is getting cooler, and might be harmful to these warm weather creatures.


Expressed-almost as an afterthought – was concern the crocodiles might become aggressive to humans , should they fail to find enough to eat.


London: London Zoo has opened a new exhibit : eight human beings – barely garbed in fig leaves – who are to occupy one of the display areas, and “highlight the spread of Man as a plague species.”


The eight – all volunteers – are to be treated like animals , but will be kept amused with “games and music”.


1. Yes, it does sound like a college dorm.

2. Yes, I can visualize a “Far Side” cartoon, with cows, chickens, bears,etc. visiting the Zoo to make faces at the humans.

3. Yes, describing those who are paying one’s salary as a “plague species” does suggest the Zoo Director needs to be assigned more meaningful and productive work – such as cleaning animal cages, or teaching copperheads how to cross busy highways !

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