Monday, August 08, 2005

BAD NEWS BARED


Sausalito,California – known for its views of the Pacific – and its laid-back attitudes toward people who embrace varying lifestyles – is having a problem.

It seems an unidentified man has decided swimming nude along the shoreline is his favorite hobby: a hobby that places him in "up close and personal" view of hundreds of tourists .

The tourists , who patronize the upscale harborside restaurants , used to be able to watch the antics of harbor seals , and are less-than-pleased with this unwanted substitute.

Police say they would like to chat with the swimmer – although no laws have been broken by his performances – and "get his side of the story".

The tourists – a tough audience at best -say they’ve seen altogether too much of the swimmer’s side, back, front , top and bottom , and much prefer the playful seals.


Little Rock, Arkansas: A court date has been set for three strippers , who are accused of " spanking a truck driver too vigorously" at his birthday party.

The trio,who work at a Jacksonville night club,allegedly went overboard in administering a spanking – onstage – to the 31 year old man.

After the truck driver’s "friends" paid $ 25 , the birthday boy was seized, handcuffed,stripped on stage, and beaten with a 3’ paddle and a belt:
so badly, the driver claims, he was unable to sit comfortably for several days.

Did I mention news reports describe the victim as a Bald Knob man ? That the defendants are represented by an attorney named Wankum ?


New York City: A Democratic candidate for City Council has announced plans to hold a "Havana Night" campaign party next month , at a Manhattan nightclub.

There will be no nudity at the $20 per person event – but there will be bikini –wearing go-go dancers,and men wearing only briefs. The candidate says they will provide a "sexy,erotic show".

The candidate says he has been at far too many boring fundraisers ,and wants to do "something different".


Los Angeles: Imitation is said to be the most sincere form of flattery , and a strip club owner – who says he was inspired by the very successful "Vagina Monologues" on Broadway , and at womens’ colleges across the nation – claimed to be a bit surprised by the reaction of womens groups to his new sign.

For some reason or other , his big new "Vaginas R Us" sign just hasn’t gone over as well as expected .

Word is a certain toy chain – noted for being quite protective of its trademark- is not too thrilled either.

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