Sunday, August 28, 2005

Church “Brought Up to Speed” by Janitor


Peru, Indiana : A 31 year-old church janitor has been arrested on charges of manufacturing methamphetamines , manufacturing drugs within 1000’ of a youth center,possession of drug precursors,possession of stolen property,and maintaining a common nuisance.


Unfortunately, the defendant was allegedly using the well-ventilated attic of the church he worked for to brew his batches , and was selling the product out of his basement apartment in (you guessed it) the same church.


( Imagine having to include THAT piece of news in the weekly sermon ! )


Berlin : Police in the city of Bochum have arrested a 31 year-old man ( What is it with 31 year-olds ? ) whom they caught red-handed scratching large penis-shaped gouges on two cars.


He has been charged with false advertising. ( No, I made that up !)


Actually, he is under investigation for vandalizing an estimated 330 automobiles in the region, over the past few months – to the tune of over 300,000 Euros – and no, I don’t know how much that is in real money.


The defendant claims he is mentally disturbed , and has signed himself in to a psychiatric care facility – where he is said to be undergoing treatment at taxpayer expense.


( Clearly the patient is suffering from classic “ Penis Envy .” )


NYC: A subway “flasher” decided to give a 22 year-old woman a really good look at his “personal workout equipment” ; but as soon as he unzipped, she whipped out one of those new high-resolution camera phones and snapped his picture.


The flasher zipped up quickly and fled ; but it was too late.


Within hours his picture was plastered all over the Internet ; and, to make matters worse, it appeared on the front page of the high-circulation NY Daily News.


1. I suppose he will sue for “invasion of privacy”.

2. He looks – oddly enough – to be about 31 years old .

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