Thursday, August 18, 2005

Criminal Enterprises That Didn’t Quite Work Out

Klaipeda,Lithuania : Two young toughs burst into a home occupied by two elderly women – apparently expecting easy pickings.

One of the women – 93 year old Zoja Popova – toughened by a lifetime of hard work - responded by seizing her 25 year old assailant’s “family jewels” in a death grip: causing him to “squeal like an animal”.

Neighbors responded to the young man’s anguished cries, and both men were captured.

“I did what I could “, Ms Popova says modestly. ( Ouch !)

Fort Smith, Arkansas : A 29 year old man broke into a woman’s parked car-but nearly severed his wrist on the glass he broke .

Bellowing with pain and gushing blood, the foolish felon kicked open the woman’s front door: demanding she summon help.

She was only too happy to oblige: Fort Smith police officers gave the man a ride straight to the emergency room – before booking him.

(There-there,now ! You have the right to moan loudly…)

Moscow : A herd of dairy cattle may be in for some moo – ving experiences this winter.

It seems enterprising drug dealers had seeded a large amount of marijuana into the animals’ forage crops, in a futile effort to avoid police attention ; and, as a consequence, the cows’ ( confiscated ) winter hay is estimated to contain some 40 metric tons of prime “mary jane”.

A police spokeswoman said she wasn’t sure what the milk would be like-but imagined sales would be rather brisk.


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