Saturday, August 06, 2005

A Reporter’s Job is Not All Glamor !


Despite the 100 degree temperatures, the cloying humidity,and my wife’s pointed inquiries about when I plan to clean the basement, I have braved the air-conditioning of the computer room,and cruised the raging Internet in search of Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

Okay, okay ! In search of stuff that meets the rigid standards of your basic E mail Spam. (Everybody’s a critic these days ! )

Berlin: A German author has put together a booklet designed to improve communication between the sexes.

She explains: What men say is not necessarily what they mean . (Who would have guessed it ?)

Men,she notes,use only half as many words as women and it is IMPERATIVE (her word) these words are understood .

For example ,when a man and woman are out shopping ,and the man begins to offer suggestions-or comments on the appearance,price,or suitability of an item the woman is considering , the man is really saying he is tired of shopping and wants to go home.

(The author neglects to mention, when a woman invites a man to go shopping with her, it is quite likely because she wants someone to carry the packages…)

There are,she adds, ten questions no woman should ever ask her man :
"Would you love me if I were fat and ugly ?" "Why do you love me ?",etc.

(She neglects the really big one : " Do these pants make my butt look fat ? ")

Speaking of questions, how does one explain a green baby ?

Mallow, Ireland : Bridget O’Leary, whom the Weekly World News describes as an attractive 26 year old barmaid , says her baby was born green because she was raped by a leprechaun.

Ms O’Leary is quoted as saying : " He got me drunk and slipped me his little green shamrock. "

There: you see ? Communication is everything in a relationship !

One wonders what this Iowa man was trying to communicate…

Spencer, Iowa: A 55 year old man walked into a Subway sandwich shop,wearing a ski mask . Nothing but a ski mask !

The woman behind the counter was understandably delighted when her boyfriend came in to pay her a surprise visit. The man in the ski mask did not seem pleased at all.

He fled the shop and sped away in a pickup truck – the police in hot pursuit.

The nude driver lost control and crashed : injuring himself enough to require hospitalization.

Police doubt the man intended to rob the shop. " I’m not sure what he would have robbed it with ", the Police Chief drawled.

While we are still on the subject of police….

Ocean City, Md : A vacationing Edison,NJ police officer and his male companion were charged with indecent exposure , after people on the sidewalk complained the two men were standing nude in front of their hotel window.

The Edison officer was "posing and flexing" , in order to attract the attention of people on the sidewalk , according to Ocean City authorities , and his companion is said to have exposed himself for a brief period of time.

Hmmm…. Two nude men in a hotel room .Do you suppose they were hunting for that sandwich shop guy from Iowa ?

Were they, perhaps… under covers ?

Never mind ! Let’s not go there !

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