Friday, August 12, 2005

You Can’t Make Stuff Like This Up

Russia : The American edition of the online magazine "Pravda" has an article this issue about how Russian girls are using Instant Messaging to con American men out of their hard-earned money.

It’s pretty much routine until you look at the rest of the page – which has ads for Asian Brides, Sexy Latina Singles, Brazilian Brides, and Sexy Russian Women – all of whom want to meet American men the old-fashioned way…........Online.

Australia : A Sydney bus driver, who had paid close attention to official warnings about bombs being placed on public transportation , was alarmed to discover a mysterious , odd-shaped package on one of the back seats of his bus.

The driver touched the package gingerly , and it made an odd,mechanical sound ; so he decided to call the police.

The authorities responded promptly, and, after careful preparation, moved the package to a bomb-resistant truck, where it could be opened for examination.

Contents: One "Whoopee Cushion".

London: An overly-uxorious Briton had an unexpected complication from his heart bypass operation: all three of his wives came to visit him in the hospital – at the same time.

"Realizing something was amiss" , the three wives held an impromptu parking lot conference , and learned they were all married to the same man.

The bigamist ( is "trigamist" a word ? ) surrendered to police upon his recovery . He pled guilty, was fined, and received a suspended sentence.

He is now living under the (watchful) eye of his first wife – who probably reminds him, from time to time , of the risks inherent in " affairs of the heart."

Dublin: " Charlie" – a wild mountain goat – was crowned King of Ireland this week ,and will reign over the Puck Fair until sundown today .

The origin of this custom is shrouded in mystery – or blarney – as the case may be.

Some say it harks back to the Celtic harvest festival : Lughnasa ; others say it dates back to the time of Cromwell ; but all are agreed it draws visitors: some 100,000 of whom are expected to pour an estimated 7 million Euros into the local economy.

Meanwhile, Charlie – resplendent in his golden crown – "rules" from his 50’ high throne, and waits for the festivities to end.

Does he wonder if he will be released into the mountains as the Festival promoters claim ? Does he reflect on the way Lughnasa festivals used to end – back in the days when there were Irish kings ?

Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah !


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