Saturday, September 03, 2005

Spider Control Made Simple

A 34 year-old German woman decided to rid her garage of spiders- so:

First she attacked the pesky critters with hair spray – lots of it.

The spiders were unimpressed , so the annoyed hausfrau grabbed a cigarette lighter , and attempted to burn them out.

Hair spray being quite inflammable , there was a sort of popping noise,and, within minutes , flaming material was oozing down the garage wall , and setting a nearby hedge ablaze.

The woman grabbed her garden hose , and tried to put the blaze out ; but it spread to her house – burning it to the ground.

It also damaged a neighbor’s home , to the tune of 100,000+ Euros – (Sorry, but you’ll have to ask George Soros about those. He bought a big bunch of them when he was trying to bankrupt us.)

(We are happy to report the spiders are gone. Alles in ordnung. See how easy that was ?)

San Francisco: Motorists stuck in traffic on the Golden State Bridge got some unexpected diversion when the owner of an ostrich farm, who was transporting two of the big birds across the bridge, saw an opening in traffic and speeded up.

One of the birds – which had evidently been watching for the chance to make a break for it – kicked out the back window of the van, and began trotting towards the toll booths.

Unfortunately, the ostrich didn’t have cash, tokens, or an EZ Pass sticker, and police swarmed out to cut it off.

Traffic was stopped for about eight minutes while the bird was removed from the roadway and returned to its anxious owner.

(Motorists expressed their solidarity with living creatures by honking their horns and flipping one another the bird , throughout "Big Bird's" great adventure.)

Los Angeles : You will be happy to hear that the executives of the ABC TV channel have decided to demonstrate their incredible sensitivity by postponing the airing of promos for their new show “ Invasion”.

The series opens with a powerful hurricane that batters Homestead,Florida:
“ thus ushering in a a series of phenomena that suggest the storm may have been a smoke screen for an alien invasion”.

The executives thought the promos might be a little too graphic for youngsters already traumatized by Hurricane Katrina – but the series will open on September 21st : by which time , the executives probably figure, we will be so sick of hurricane coverage, we’ll actually watch their show.


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