Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Important (?) News From Around the Globe

Chesapeake ,VA: Motorists who travel busy Interstate 464 in eastern Virginia will no doubt be distraught to learn one of two full-sized fiberglass cows has been stolen from a 50’ billboard overlooking the highway –assuming they ever noticed it in the first place.

The theft was discovered by workers from a company that services billboards . They expressed some bafflement as to how it was carried out, but note there have been about a dozen such thefts across the country in the last year.

Value of the “rustled” fiberglass cow - $3200;

Advertising value of reporting the theft : Priceless.

Seneca Falls,NY : Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton – especially noted for her collection of White House silverware – has been inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.

Montclair,CA : When a 71 car Union Pacific freight train stopped for a signal,the perhaps-overly-enterprising Juventino Vallejo - Camerena
climbed aboard ,armed with a bow and arrow , and allegedly tried to hijack it.

The two UP employees aboard – the engineer and the conductor – made their escape , turned off the fuel switches so the engine could not be moved,and, in a departure from Wild West tradition ,used a cell phone to call the police.

When the cops arrive , the wannabee hijacker pointed his bow at them and drew back the string; but one of the officers (who had, perhaps, heard tales of The Lone Ranger) shot the bow right out of his hand-merely grazing the “owlhoot’s” wrist.

The train was loaded with containers – nothing hazardous – and was bound for an ocean shipping port. What this latter-day outlaw planned to do with it is unclear.

(Oh well: Let’s whistle a few bars of “The William Tell Overture”
anyway ! )

Miami Gardens, FL: The disappearance of Frances- a treasured one year-old Siamese cat appears to have been solved.

Fish and Wildlife personnel were called to the scene of the disappearance when a man –who was searching for his lost wallet-
Discovered a 12’ Burmese python taking its ease.

The snake – captured after a strenuous tussle – had a missing-cat-sized-bulge in the midsection.

Such incidents are increasingly common in Florida , where residents who think it is “way cool” to own pythons , boas , and other potentially dangerous snakes , think it equally cool to turn the creatures loose in the Everglades.

(Picture this: Former snake owner stands at the edge of the “Glades”, humming “ Born Free” , as Agnes, his former pet , eyes him with increasing interest. "Are these things edible ? , she muses…)


Blogger Left Turn said...

Hillary Clinton ... "especially noted for her collection of White House silverware"

Are you being ironical or just dumb? How about "especially noted for her impressive election to the United States Senate -- the only First Lady to ever do so"?

Tuesday, 11 October, 2005  

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