Tuesday, July 04, 2006

This just in from our N. Korean Correspondent :

N. Korean Taepodong 2 Missile Suffers From “ Projectile Misfunction “ : Fails 45 seconds into Flight

Kim Jong IL mutters: “ This never happened to me before !”

July 4 , Pyongyang : In an early morning gesture of friendship toward the United States , Kim Jong IL , Fearless Leader of the Extremely Democratic and Nice People’s Republic of North Korea launched no less than three “celebratory fireworks displays” , including one that employed the much-heralded Taepodong 2 multi stage rocket.

The display started out rather well. Alerted by early-warning sensors, Japanese officials hurried to a protective bunker , and there were rumors that Walter Mondale ( a former Peace candidate, who had urged destruction of the North Korean display units while they were still on their launch pads ) might have had to change his Underoos.

Unfortunately, a mere 45 seconds into its flight, the Taepodong 2 suffered “projectile dysfunction” , and failed. (Look : It can happen to ANYONE, okay ? )

Our Fearless Leader rose bravely to the occasion , and had two Scud –type rockets fired towards Japan ; however, the Scuds experienced“premature oscillation” , and fell into the sea quite some distance from their goal .

Needless to say, our Fearless Leader was somewhat distressed.

“This has never happened to me before !”, he shouted.

( A young woman, who had been “attached to his staff” –as it were–had the temerity to giggle most inappropriately,and was handed over to the troops for Socialist re-indoctrination. )

It is hoped that Carter chap will be sent over soon to bring us some better rocket fuel , a few tons of uranium (and, perhaps, some Viagra) so we can help America celebrate its next birthday more fittingly !


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