Thursday, August 24, 2006

New TSA Policy : Amish to be Selected for Extra Scrutiny

Washington : In response to recent complaints by CAIR and other Muslim groups,the TSA has decided to make a dramatic shift in its screening policies.

According to Haye Bin Dover, the agency’s newly-appointed Special Deputy for Political Correctness and Dhimmitude , TSA screeners will now select Amish air travelers for extra scrutiny.

“They have these funny little chin beards “, Mr. Bin Dover said disapprovingly. “The men could stand a good shave too.”

“These Amish speak some sort of “Pennsylvania Dutch” . If our friends from the Hamburg Cell have trouble understanding them , how are we supposed to make heads or tails out of what they’re saying ?”

“For all we know, they could be plotting to smuggle scrapple – or “shoo –fly pies” aboard our aircraft . They are a very devious people !”

Asked if there were really that many “Flying Amish” , Special Deputy Bin Dover shrugged. “ Nobody knows for sure; but we’ve appointed a blue ribbon multi-million dollar taskforce to study the problem ,and should have some clear answers in a year or two.”

“These days, you just can’t be too careful !”

Friday, August 11, 2006

British Bank Releases Names of Terror Bombing Plot Suspects

Veracity Questioned : None Appear to Zionists !

London: A British bank has released the names of several suspects in the recently thwarted Airline Bombing plot.

The bank released the following names:

Abdula Ahmed Ali,
Cossor Ali,
Shazad Khuram Ali,
Nabeel Hussain,
Tanvir Hussain,
Umair Hussain,
Umar Islam,
Waseem Kayani,
Assan Abdullah Khan,
Waheed Arafat Khan,
Osman Adam Khatib,
Abdul Muneem Patel,
Tayib Rauf,
Muhammed Usman Saddique,
Assad Sarwar,
Ibrahim Savant,
Amin Asmin Tariq,
Shamin Mohammed Uddin,
Waheed Zaman.

An angry Islamic spokesperson denounced the release of these names to the public.

“This is profiling at its worst ! Where are the names of the Zionists we know to be responsible for this plot ?” , shouted Ibn Veri Badd –director of the prestigious Hed’Loppr Institute , located on Rottencrutch Square.

“Why are the names of peaceful,law-abiding Islamic citizens being bandied about in this fashion ? Everybody knows this is a filthy Mossad deception – just like the so-called 9/11 attack !”

“ Did you know that Jew Senator – Chuck Schumer was at Heathrow yesterday ? Heathrow ! What further proof do you need ?”

Director Badd concluded : “ It all has to do with that other Jew-Lieberman – who was defeated in the primaries by a likeable chap named Lamont. The Jew couldn’t stand being rejected ,so he got together with his Neo-Con friends in Washington and Israel to cook up this make-believe plot ! “

“Hands off our fine Islamic lads, you evil baby-killers !”

Sunday, August 06, 2006

The Mexican Fisherman
> A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village.
>An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the
>quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
>"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
>"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"
>asked the American.
>The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his
>needs and those of his family.
>The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
>"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta
>my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have
>few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . I have a full life."
>The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can
>help you!
>You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the
>extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue,you can buy a bigger
>And after that?" asked the Mexican.
>With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second
>one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of
>Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate
>directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own
>You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los
>Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge
>new enterprise."
>"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
>"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
>"And after that?"
>"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting,"
>answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really
>big, you can start selling sto cks and make millions!"
>"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.
>"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the
>sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta
>your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
>And the moral is:
>Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

Saturday, August 05, 2006



The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "Bush Lied - People Died" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?" "It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and snatch another one?"