Tuesday, December 12, 2006

In Honor of Kofi Annan’s Departure...............NOT !

(Tune : “ Bill Bailey “ )

Won’t you go home, Mr. Kofi
Won’t you go home ?
I shout the whole day long –

Pick up your offshore money
And get on home there sonny-
You know you done us wrong !

Remember poor Rwanda –
All them poor dead babies ?
You shrugged them off
With such aplomb !

Oughta hang your head in shame
‘Cause your UN was to blame –
Mr. Kofi won’t you please go home ?

Bring back John Bolton-
Mr. Kofi get your be-hind home !

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Global Orgasm Day ???

You can't hardly make stuff like this up !

Some "world peace group" has decided if millions of people all over the world were to experience an orgasm on December 22,2006, so much "positive energy" would be released that war would just...end.

I suppose I could enter a logical debate on this subject (for example, at any given moment of any day of any week,month,or year, large numbers of people are undoubtedly achieving orgasm , and there is no shortage of fighting going on. In fact, some of those doing the killing the group wishes to stop, may well be achieving orgasms thereby...)

Oh, well: let me respond in this fashion.

T'was three days before Christmas
And all through the land
Was the sound of brisk friction
As folks "took things in hand".

And Maw in her nightie
And me in my cap
Had just settled down-
No, t'was not for a nap !

Then up on the rooftop
I heard a loud clatter:
It was eight writhing reindeer-
Golly gee, did they spatter !!

A fat dude in red longjohns
With a white,greasy beard
Was "helping keep time" :
Yes, t'was just as you feared !!!

I cannot describe
The effect on my wife:
Were I to attempt it
You'd shun me for life !

So, do as you see fit
On "twelve twenty-two"-
But stay off my rooftop.
Merry Christmas to you !!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Machina - She Take Me Vote and Run Venezuela-Style !

The NY Times is finally reporting something reported since early 2005: a close tie between the regime of Hugo Chavez and the Smartmatic voting machines being used in many US elections.


This story was explored in considerable detail by Alekzander Boyd - a Venezuelan expatriate.


One of the things he discussed was the rather close tie between ex-President Jimmy Carter and Hugo Chavez.

"The USAID, IFES, Carter Center, CNE and Smartmatic connection In June 1998, the National Electoral Council (CNE) of Venezuela contracted the International Foundation for Election Systems IFES to renew and make recommendations regarding proposals for an automated voting system in Venezuela [21, page 29 ].

IFES has been awarded (award number AEP-I-00-00-00007-00) an "indefinite quantity contract" (IQC) by USAID with the following purpose: "To support the transition to, and consolidation of, democratic governments through which citizens choose their leaders and participate in all levels of political decision-making, particularly in transition and sustainable development countries" [22, page 30 ].

According to Carter Center's America's Programme director Jennifer McCoy "President Carter had traveled several times to Venezuela, including monitoring the 1998 and 2000 elections, and he and President Chavez built a very good personal relationship" [23].

Such warm relationship may have come about due to the fact that the Carter Center is the sole subcontractor of IFES for the aforementioned purpose. "

The machines were used - unsuccessfully-in Chicago in 2005.


Incidentally, I've read a LOT of criticism ( which seems well-warranted) of the Diebold machines ,but can't help wondering how much of that criticism was generated by the Smartmatic/Sequoia operation.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Too Many Headstones this Halloween !

Driving through the neighborhood today, I noticed some of the Halloween decorations on nearby lawns.

One neighbor had little handmade wooden "tombstones" -painted sort of gray-white,with messages printed on them in black ink ; eg: "My name is Fred. I'm dead."

I thought (very briefly) of putting markers on my lawn...only they would look like military gravestones , and the messages would be different.

We died yesterday because the Media wanted to publicize Abu Ghraib !

We died today because Terrorists watch TV too !

We'll die tomorrow because The Times likes to publish secrets !

We'll die later on because certain politicians encouraged the Enemy !

As I say, I thought about it briefly ,but decided against it .

Much, much, MUCH too scarey !!!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Mark Foley Saga

A gay Congressman named Mark Foley
Sent out some Emails unholy :

Sent suggestions outrageous
To handsome young Pages –

His motives, it seems
Were quite lowly.

With Elections just short weeks away
Leading Democrats shouted : “Hooray !”

They grew almost violent,
But Barney Frank remained silent:

For a change he had
Nothing to say !

House Republicans all sang the blues:
As the Media tightened the screws:

CNN was restrained –
(The reporters looked pained)

ABC was as bad
As Fox News !

Saturday, September 30, 2006

A Day in the Life of Joseph Neo-Lib

Joseph (never “Joe” !) Neo-Lib reaches out quickly to turn the alarm off at 9:00 AM. His spouse is still sleeping , and he has no desire to awaken her – as she is apt to resume her late - night critique of his lack of social consciousness. ( Sometimes Joseph wishes Amanda would pay more attention to sex than geo-politics ; but she is, otherwise , an asset in their social circle.)

The children are already in school . Alma , the maid has seen to that . (She is indeed a treasure , and someday , Joseph supposes , he should do something about getting her a Green Card –but that would entail paperwork,legal fees,and the payment of Social Security and Income tax to those Fascists in Washington : quite a bit to undertake for a lowly , overweight Mexican woman ! )

Having heard her employer stirring , Alma has begun the process of grinding fresh-roasted , de-caffeinated Costa Rican coffee beans –(organically grown by a socially conscious co-op producer) – for preparation in a French coffee press.

After a leisurely breakfast of fresh coffee , and a low fat muffin ,spread with a dab of wild honey –harvested by a commune up in Carmel – Joseph is ready to go to work.

Paco (or is it Pedro ?) the chauffeur brings the fuel-efficient Prius around . Amanda will be taking the big Cadillac Escalade to the Club later on today , so Joseph will have to make do.

On the way to the airport , Joseph spots a commuter train rumbling downtown . There are only a few passengers aboard : well –dressed executives much like himself – but he is glad he does not have to squirm on the hard seats and make polite conversation with them : even happier he does not have to endure an early morning ride – standing elbow to elbow with the smelly proletariat who pay for this train.

Grandfather’s Trust Fund makes such indignities unneccessary. The old man invested wisely in railroads, heavy , smoky industry , airlines , trucking, real estate , and banking – then got out before the various bubbles burst : his estate , in due time time , leaving Joseph exceptionally comfortable.

Joseph sighs. He has a busy day ahead of him.

He will board a Lear jet and fly to a conference in the Bahamas on Global Warming : a cause he is passionate about. The Proletariat must be persuaded to cut back on their emissions – via car pools, mass transportation , and mandatory adjustments of their thermostats !

The sleek jet roars southward – spewing more emissions in the transport of one man than caused by thousands of morning commuters-caught in the twice-daily gridlock...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

NIGERIAN SCAM E MAIL - Sent to Iraqi Intelligence Service (Pre-War Documents)

c/o The Abacha’s Family Legal Adviser
(Abacha’s Family Estate)
Attn.: The President/CEO

I am Dr. (Mrs.) Maryam Abacha, wife to the late
Nigeria Head of State - General Sani Abacha. I am
proposing this business to you because we could be of
great assistance to each other, likewise developing a
cordial business relationship. I currently have within
my reach the sum of Twenty-Five Million, Six Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars (US$25,600,000:00) cash
which I intend to use for investment purpose specifically
in your country.

This money came as a result of a pay back contract
deal between my late husband and a Russian firm on our
country’s Multi-billion Dollars Ajaokuta Steel Plant.

The Russian partners returned my husband’s share of
US$25.6 million after his death and lodged it with my
husband’s security firm in Nigeria of which I am a
Right now, the new civilian government has
revoked our licenses that allow us to own a financial
and oil company. In view of this, I acted very fast to
withdraw the US$25.6 million from the company’s vault
will preserved and packaged in trunk boxes and
deposited it in ECOWAS Security Bank.

I have since declared our security company bankrupt.
No record ever existed concerning the many neither is
the money traceable by the government because there is
no document showing that we received the money from the Russians.

Due to the current situation in the country concerning
the government attitude towards my family, it has
become quite impossible for me to make use of the
money within, thus I seek your assistance to move the
money out of this country.

On your consent, I shall expect you to contact me urgently to enable us discuss
in detail about this transaction.

Bearing in mind that your assistance is needed to transfer this fund.
Your urgent response is highly needed. All correspondences
must be channeled to our legal adviser thus:

Barrister Tom Bello Esq through his direct Email
tombello@maktoob.com. I must also use this opportunity to implore you to exercise
utmost indulgence to keep this transaction a confidential issue. You can also contact
me directly on my secret confidential email address if
there is need.
Thanks and God bless you.
commercial Export
Respected General Director
Please review: One of the
messages delivered to us by
E-mail. With regards,
To be translated into Arabic.